This is a sneak peak from my e-book Radical Sex which releases later this month. It is a small selection from chapter 2, entitled Married Sex & Orgasms.

The Female Brain

…for many men, the context of life is irrelevant when it comes to sexual desire. We can be driving in a car with kids screaming and yelling at each other and simultaneously be in the mood for sex. For women, however, context matters. Just ask a mother in that same scenario with kids screaming in the back seat if she’s in the mood. Likely not. This is because sexual pleasure for a woman is tied very closely with her emotional life.

In her fascinating book, The Female Brain, Dr. Louann Brizendine, says that, “Female sexual turn-on begins, ironically, with a brain turn-off. The impulses can rush to the pleasure centers only if the amygdala—the fear and anxiety center of the brain—has been deactivated. Any worry—about work, the kids, schedules, dinner—can interrupt the march toward pleasure.”[1] This is one of the most profound differences between men and women. Women often live with fear or anxiety about a variety of things in life, and if these things are active it is hard for their pleasure centers to begin firing.

A husband, therefore, has to work on relieving fear and anxiety in his wife’s life to better connect with her sexually. He must take the kids out, cook dinner, and make sure the bills are getting paid.

Shut her brain off, and she gets turned on.

Connected to this is why, contrary to popular opinion, married couples statistically don’t have worse sex than singles, but better. Much better. Why?…

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[1] Louann Brizendine. The Female Brain (New York: Morgan Road Books, 2006.), 77.