Awhile ago I was sitting around with some leaders of a church. They are doing a great job at developing leaders, and I was there to spend some time with their team and learn. At one point I asked them how they decide which leaders to spend time with?

Why that question? Because in ministry, like life, there are so many people one could spend time with and you have to be strategic even in this. So you are stewarding your time and resources well. Notice the question is not who do you spend time with? There are a variety of kinds of people we should spend time with in life, especially as a pastor: rich, poor, healthy, sick, those in the centre of your church ministry and those on the margins who just showed up; the most encouraging people and the most critical (how else do you learn, and get better!?) – the question is about leadership specifically.

Among the hundreds and sometimes thousands of leaders we could spend time with (developing, learning from, etc.,) we have to figure out who to spend it with, because we only have so much of it and we can’t spend it with everyone. After all Jesus spent most of his time with only 12 guys (and within that, he had 3 disciples he spent even more time with, and within that 1 guy he poured into the most).

Their answer helped me greatly: “When someone leans into us,” he said, “we lean back.”

There is wisdom here.

There have been many times in my life I have spent hour after hour with leaders who simply weren’t interested in being developed, or learning from whatever I had to offer (which sometimes admittedly isn’t much!). In the end, these hours were often a waste of time. On the other hand there have been men and women who have showed very high interest in learning, growing, and getting better, and asked me to help them get there – in other words they leaned in; and spending time with these people was never a waste of time. They grow, they learn and they teach me – and every time, whether it’s one day, or an ongoing ministry relationship, both parties go away better.

So, for you in your life. As you sift through the priorities of life – which friends to spend time with, or business relationships to invest in; when someone leans into you, lean back. And if you lean toward someone, and they lean away, think hard before spending too much time chasing them around thinking you have something to teach them.

Either you don’t, or they aren’t ready for it.